Settling in

It's hard to believe we've been home for almost four weeks already. But I guess the first couple of weeks were kind of unreal with jetlag and weird sleep patterns, and then my mom was here for the couple of weeks after that. This week is the first on my own and it's going well so far. (But it's only Tuesday so who knows what's to come!)

Ren's understanding of English is really coming along, we think. We're sure he understands our basic /regular words, phrases and instructions and I wouldn't be surprised if he understands more than that as well. It's still difficult at times but definitely better than at first when we really couldn't communicate much at all. We were told that he only spoke a couple of words in Cantonese but I have doubts about that. He is already saying several words and phrases in English: hi, hello, bye-bye, goodnight, more, please, thanks, Mama, Daddy, Jie-Jie, Kitsya,kitty, puppy (sounds like uppy), Grandma, Baba and Dido. Granted, we wouldn't understand what he's saying without the context because the words are not coming out very clear, but the words are there. He is also attempting some short sentences: "Hi Kitsya", "more please", "Where is Jie-Jie?" "all done", "here you go". I suspect that he had more Cantonese words than we were told but that it wasn't really known by the orphanage, perhaps because he had several caregivers (either they didn't compare notes or they weren't able to see the context to discern the sounds he was making).

Meal preparation time has really evolved around here. When we first came home, Ren was incredibly impatient for food the moment he saw it. We soon realized that he probably never saw food being prepared. In the orphanage, food preparation would have happened behind the scenes; when food was visible, it meant it was time to eat. Not so here! Thankfully it seems that Ren has gotten somewhat used to food having to be prepared before it is time to eat. I don't know what I would have done without my mom here for the last little while because it really did take someone to keep him occupied while the other made breakfast, lunch and dinner. He is still impatient to some degree but much less so!

It seems like this post is turning into a series of theories related to Ren's life in the orphanage so I might as well offer a couple more:

• At meal time, the perception of fairness is huge. If someone helps themselves to more of a certain dish, Ren immediately squawks for some too, even if he already has some on his plate. If Claire wants more of something, we have to remember to give him a tiny bit more too, even if he already has some. I wonder if this too relates to his time in the orphanage.
• We continue to marvel at Ren's ability to play independently. The other night, we were watching a bit of kids' TV. He soon lost interest and spread out a blanket for himself on the floor. He then proceeded to play with some Duplo train stuff for a good 10 - 15 minutes! Again, it's likely an attribute of having been in an orphanage but I'm happy for it sometimes. He really seems to have amazing focus.

Here are some random photos of the kiddies around our house the last couple of weeks.

Ren meets his Grandma

We were incredibly lucky to have my mom here for just over a week and a half. She left for home yesterday. Not only was she great fun for the kidlets but she was a lifesaver for me in that she kept me company and helped me out big-time when Paul went back to work. I don't think my house will ever be so clean again!

Mom and Ren sitting on the quilt she made for him:

When Mom first visited us after we brought Claire home from China, she brought with her the Christmas stocking she had stitched for our girl. We chose the same pattern for Ren and once again, my mom came bearing that special gift for her grandchild:

We are very lucky to have the wonderful family we do. Thank you to both sets of grandparents for visiting us and helping us out!

Ren meets his Baba and Dido

Paul's parents, Joanne and Wally, came to visit on Thursday, March 12 and stayed for a few days. It was exciting for Ren to meet more of his family! Almost immediately, we could see a special bond developing between Ren and his Dido whom he is named after (one of Ren's middle names is Walter).

Time is limited these days so I only have time to post pics - no chatty news update this time! I'll try to post something soon, but I think the last time I said that was two weeks ago!

Unfortunately, I didn't get many pics of Joanne with Ren and it seemed most of them are only of her back (with Ren facing her and the camera). I'll do better at our next visit!"Look Ma, no hands!"

Home for a week

We've now been home for a week and we're starting to feel more settled. Jetlag didn't last as long as it did when we brought Claire home as a baby, thankfully. Getting Ren to sleep has been more of an issue here than in China but for the last two nights, he slept through the night at least, so that's progress!

Ren is doing remarkably well, considering all the immense changes this little boy has faced in the last two and a half weeks. I'm really impressed with his resiliency and his go-with-the-flow attitude. He seems more attached to us every day. Back in China a few days after we received him, he began throwing his arms open wide and coming forward for hugs. That has continued with more and more enthusiasm, and with a tighter hold on the hug, as the days go by. He is kissing us more too and will often approach Kitsya and air kiss towards her. He now calls us by name: not a lot, but some of the time at least.

We have been using a few signs with him and this week, he began signing back! The first was 'diaper change' on Tuesday. He did it again the following day without any prompting whatsoever, and the day after that, he did the sign when he saw the Pampers bag we had just bought. Yesterday, he repeated the sign for 'eat' and today he repeated 'more'. He's catching on! I should mention that he also says the words verbally as he signs but I'm grateful for the signs because his words aren't always discernable (diaper change certainly isn't!) He's also repeating more words like 'puppy', 'horse', 'cow', etcc, as well as animal sounds.

As for Cantonese words and phrases, he continues to use the two phrases we first heard in China: something like "dye" and "a-may" / "a-may-ya". We went to a Cantonese restaurant this week and asked our waiter about Ren's two main phrases. He didn't recognize them and thought they were simply baby talk. We are pretty sure they mean something, although it could be Ren's version of the words. For example, when Claire was little, she would often point to things she wanted and say, "Dis". We knew she was saying, "this" (as in "I want this") but if a non-English speaker had heard her say it and asked another English speaker, they may have assumed it was simply baby talk.

Today, we heard Ren say a new little phrase or song in Cantonese (we think). He was at the park on the swing and began to sing something like, "Wah woo lie, Wah woo lie". It sounds like it could be a nursery rhyme or something.

Other things to note:

- Ren has a hilarious laugh, kind of like Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter. Anyone remember that?

- He hates his bath, every since we washed his hair.
- He eats well with a spoon - a skill he hid from us while in China.

- He doesn't seem to have any experience with puzzles but is very interested in them and seems to be catching on.

- He is good with blocks and loves books.

-He doesn't seem to like fruit or veggies much, much to our dismay and Claire's excitement (they're her favourite and she always ends up with his portion!)

- he is getting better at taking turns although is still prone to a big pout session at least once during the turn-taking.

- He doesn't yet have a comfort object despite our efforts to give him one. We weren't successful with that for Claire either. We'd really like for him to have one to help with bedtimes and other times he may be anxious. Any suggestions on how to help a child attach to an object for comfort?

Today was another week of firsts: first grocery store horsey ride, first time in the snow, first time at the park, first snowman. Ren really did not like the snow at first but today he seems more comfortable with it.

Here are some pictures of his first experience with snow:
One of my favourite moments between the siblings happened the other day. I had been giving Ren a horsey ride when I told him it was almost Jie-Jie's turn. He seemed to catch on because he 'dismounted'. But then he went towards Jie-Jie. Totally in sync with him, she crossed her legs and motioned for him to get on! I couldn't believe it! Luckily, the camera was within reach:

Now I know it looks like she may be giving him a swift kick to the you-know-whats but really, she's just giving him a nice horsey ride! Oh, and notice which leg she is using for the ride. Too funny that she crosses her legs but gives a ride on the uncrossed one.

Paul's parents arrived last night for a long weekend with us and have already created amazing memories with the kids. I'll blog about it in a couple of days.

Home sweet home

We're home! We had a great couple of flights home. Our only trouble with the kids occurred before the flights back in Beijing; it was actually a relief to get on the plane and settle in for the long haul! Once again, we sweetened the trip with lollipops:

We were met back home with cold weather (but not as cold as it had been, apparently) but it didn't seem to phase Claire one bit. She was just so happy to be home. Ren didn't cry or react to the cold other than to look around in disbelief. Thankfully, he didn't put up a big fight about being put in the carseat (so far, at least). Here are the kids just after getting buckled in to our vehicle at the airport:

And then we were home! My brother Stu gave us a warm welcome and we had a nice night on Friday visiting. Claire immediately ran to her toys and began playing, while Ren walked around the house, checking things out. He met our cat Kitsya and was quite afraid of her at first. But soon he said, "Kitty" and attempted to say her name and he's been saying it ever since. We kept the kids up fairly late Friday night in the hope of getting them to sleep for more than a couple of hours.

And sleep we did! The kids were asleep by 11:20 p.m. Friday night and, with the exception of Claire waking for a while in the night and the adults waking periodically to check the time, we all slept until 2:30 p.m. on Saturday! I honestly can't remember the last time I slept that long. We then all had a really great day. With everyone so rested and with Claire so happy to be home, there were virtually no fights, no tantrums, no nothing but happy playing, sharing practice and hanging out.

Since we've been home, Ren has been repeating more words, such as Kitty, panda, and Uncle Stu. He has a cute little voice that sometimes sounds like he's holding his tongue in one place when he speaks (try saying Kitty with your tongue in the middle of your mouth and you might get the idea). We've really enjoyed seeing Ren run around the house. He runs with a wide stance and pumps his left arm like crazy. It's super-cute. Today, he created a slide out of a booster seat box we had left in our living room for our cat (she likes boxes). We were pretty impressed with his ingenuity! He tumbles and falls all the time but I don't worry about it anymore. He seems to have good control as he falls and somehow he always emerges with a smile. Sometimes his falls look like they happen in slow motion, which is kinda funny to see.

Our sleep patterns from jet lag are still a little wonky today but I'm hoping that tonight we will settle everything out and will be back on our time zone tomorrow. It'll be good to get into our routine. I haven't even started to go through my email yet so if you're waiting to hear from me, that's why. It may be a while but I'll get to it eventually! Same thing with more posts ...

Peace

Ah, today was peaceful: no tours, no schedule, no nothin' but hanging about with the kids. I know life will continue to change and we're not in for peace from now on, but I'm just grateful for one day of it!

Either (a) they were more calm or (b) we were and it rubbed off on them (it's hard to tell which, kind of like the chicken and the egg thing) but things were good. Ren was less 'hitty' (I hesitate to say 'violent' because it seems like an overstatement) and had less tantrums today and Claire was not as grouchy and bossy as she has been. Thanks for all the advice and suggestions on my previous post. It's helpful to know we're not the only ones who have been through this! We have been doing timeouts with both kids (both nearby us, within view) but today there were less thankfully. I laughed when I read Dawn's comment about how hard it was to give her daughter repeated time-outs after her brother came along because we're in the same boat: Claire has rarely received them in the past and now she's had many! I suspect that Claire relieved a lot of built-up tension yesterday when she had her huge meltdown and I'm sure knowing that we're headed home soon is also comforting to her.

Today, Ren began repeating more words! Our efforts at teaching him to kiss also paid off; tonight he gave me, Paul and Claire our first kisses. It was so incredibly sweet. He's a pretty funny little character. He's very impatient to eat: when the food arrives at the table, he wants to devour it immediately which he usually can't because it's too hot. That prompts a little pouting or mini trantrum from which he quickly recovers. If he has something a little sour (even orange juice), he shrugs his shoulders up high and makes an adorable scrunchy face. After a meal, he takes off his own bib. So far, he sits pretty well for a meal. We hope that continues because we really enjoy family dinnertime at home.

Right now it's 9:30 on Thurday, March 5 and we're about to start packing. We leave the hotel tomorrow in the early afternoon and will fly out at around 5:30 p.m. We arrive back in Edmonton on Friday night (Edmonton time). I'm not as introspective about leaving China as I was last time but I think that's because there's not a lot of time for that - we're just trying to survive! But I am very grateful to this country for giving us our family. China has been very good to us once again in all possible ways, and I know we will be back many times in our lives. Just not for more kids ;)

This will be our last post from China, and I want to thank all of our friends and family back home for following along on our journey. Thank you for connecting with us by leaving comments or praying for us or sending happy vibes. Whatever you are doing, we feel it. It hasn't been an easy journey (not that we thought it would be) and we truly believe we got through it with your help and support from the other side of the world.

Lots of love,

Monica, Paul, Claire and Ren

ps - A few of you have commented about how often I have been posting to the blog while in China. I surprised myself too! Somehow the kids' sleep schedules accommodated it and it was the most relaxing thing I could find to do. I also loved being able to connect with all of you back home. As many of you know, I will turn this blog into a book for Ren so I also wanted it to be as 'in the moment' as possible. I doubt he'll like my discussions about hitting, etc. but hey, I can always edit, edit, edit! (Or I'll simply say, "But look at you now!")

Sleep

It's naptime so I'm using this time to get a bunch of posts in. I thought I'd better do it now too because I'm not having any trouble posting photos today. Sorry to be 'absent' for a few days and then hit you with so many at once!

This particular post is about sleep. It's been good, thankfully. Quite often people experience 'normal' sleeping here with the kids only to experience major sleep problems back at home. I'm trying to get some good rest in here because who knows what awaits us!

The first three pictures are from Forever Family Day, our first night together.

Just before 'lights out':

Respite for a weary boy and his sister:
Just like Claire, Ren tends to flip over in his sleep. Here they are both upside down:

This is how Ren fell asleep today at naptime:

He had been reading a book and then, voila! I've never seen anyone get so 'flat'!

Lifelong friends

We were sad to say goodbye to our friends, Carolyn, Marvin and Jaida this morning but happy for all the new memories we created on this trip. We're also excited for the next phase of their journey: reuniting with Kennedy and introducing their girls to each other. We look forward to hearing all about it!

Their beautiful Jaida is three today. Happy Birthday, Jaida! May you enjoy every minute of your super-long birthday! (Because of the time change, they'll experience Jaida's birthday for nearly 40 hours.)

We subjected the kids to one last photo shoot:

And then the moms got in the picture. This one is especially for Beth, Kathleen, Shea and Raelene!

Goodbye China party

As most of our travel mates are departing today, our 'Goodbye China' party was last night. We had a great meal and then were treated to some entertainment. For our travel mates and other FOI-ers who are following this blog, it was in the same location as last time and you'll recognize the cake and the fire-hazardous candle!

Ren wasn't sure what to think about the clown:

And Claire was scared of this guy:

That's OJ in Claire's Tsingtao glass.

By the way, the clip in Claire's hair says "Big Sister". It was a special gift from a close friend. Claire proudly wore her beautiful clip many days of our trip.

And finally, the candle ...

Busy, Busy

The title of this post refers to our last few days, as well as our toddlers! We've actually had lots of free time but somehow it fills up fast with our own activities.

We had Monday morning off and then met for a trip to the Summer Palace. It was relaxing to be there for the second time - I didn't have to take a million photos because I already have them all - and the weather wasn't too cold for the kiddies. Ren had a nice little snooze for much of the walk so that helped out with the long walk too. He fell asleep with a cracker in his mouth:
We and many of our travel mates got swarmed by other visitors to the Summer Palace that day. I had forgotten what a curiousity we are. I went into a store to get snacks for the family and returned to find this sight:That afternoon, we went to the silk factory. We skipped this part of the tour last time. I didn't buy much - just a jacket for myself and an outfit each for the kids - but it was very interesting to see how silk and some of the products are made. That night when we returned to the hotel, we had a tailor come to our room to measure Paul and Ren for custom made suits. Paul chose to get two business suits made for a steal at about $250 each. We also got a little black suit with a subtle pinstripe made for Ren and two dress shirts for him. Since it's so small with such tiny seams and details, his was expensive in comparison - $100 for the suit and about $45 for each shirt. But it is sooooo cute! We'll use the suit for his baptism and possibly a family wedding this year, and I know we won't regret the expense at all.

It was a neat experience having the suits made for the boys. They measured the boys on Monday, brought over unfinished suits on Tuesday to check for fit, and brought the beautiful finished products here this afternoon (Wednesday). A big thanks to Marty and Cecile for letting us know our guide could arrange this!

Here are Paul and Ren with the tailors:The shopping continued first thing on Tuesday morning. We went to the Pearl Market (another place we skipped last time) and got a few gifts there. It was fun to pick the pearls and then see the people make the jewellery for you, be it earrings, a necklace or a bracelet. Paul somehow managed both kids while I shopped for gifts there. What a man!

There have been more shopping opportunities since but we've decided to lay pretty low. Claire had a big meltdown today (HUGE!) and we realized she's really needing things to stay low-key. Just today, she began asking to go home. She's done here. She's managed really well all things considering but it is hard to see her struggling with all that's going on, and we just want things to be as close to normal again for her as they can. Of course, life will never be the same again with Ren around but at least we'll be back at home in our routine.

Last night (Tuesday), we went to the acrobat show. Claire and Ren were completely mesmerized. At one point, Ren got kind of scared and hunkered down behind the seat in front of him. But he couldn't keep his eyes off the show! Before long, he was watching the show through the crack between the seats with his eyes wide and his mouth open.

I'm happy to say that Ren is a total sweetheart with his sister. Yesterday morning as we headed down to meet our group, he reached for her hand. They held hands for a good ten minutes! They did the same thing this morning. Our group must think they are best of friends, as that is how they often appear out in public. But back in the room, watch out for Claire-bear - emphasis on 'bear'! She has turned into an aggressive little girl with her brother! Usually she is very level and sometimes not even as assertive as we'd wish for her, but wow, with him, she's so far on the other side. I'm hoping that with time, she'll balance out in the assertive category (as opposed to aggressive).

Ren continues to challenge Paul and me with hitting. Today, he graduated to biting. We're just grateful it's directed at us and not Claire. He's also having tantrums quite regularly about not getting his way. We'll immediately meet his needs, but definitely not his every want, and that is usually what poses the problem. I don't think he understands much of what we say yet but even if he did, I'm not sure it would help. I guess time will tell. Again, I'll be consulting our attachment books about the best ways to handle this stuff. I recall some of what I've read but not everything, and against my better judgement, I didn't bring those books with me because of needing to keep our luggage weight down for in-China train rides and flights.

On the bright side, we realized on Tuesday that Ren consistently responds to "Ren" now. For the first few days, we called him by the Cantonese pronunciation of his name ("Jan", which is pronounced sort of like "Yun") and then began to use both names together. We've now stopped the "Yun" altogether.

We're having breakfast with Marvin, Carolyn and Jaida at 8:30 a.m. tomorrow morning - our last with them as they fly out in the evening - so I better hit the hay like the rest of my family. Good night!

The hooligans clean up good!

Handsome boy

On Saturday, we had portraits taken of Ren in a few different Chinese outfits. He's such a handsome boy, and I think the portraits really captured his good looks! There are many good ones but I'll post just a few for now. I'll follow this post with one of the siblings together. (We ended up dressing Claire up too, and she was a major ham during the photo session - too cute.)