The time has come ...

The time has come for us to cease posting to Ren's blog, just as it did with Claire's blog. I had intended to keep going another year or more but somehow, the time just feels right for his story to be told in a more private manner now. Of course, we'll still send updates to family, friends, travel-mates and Zhuhai families!

Thank you to everyone for following our journey to Ren and for supporting us as we adjusted to life as a family of four. All the best,

Monica, Paul, Claire and Ren

Ren's true self

After three months as a family, I believe we are starting to see Ren's true self!

Until the last month or so, we regularly faced challenging behaviour that was reserved solely for us; other people only saw a happy little boy with a beautiful smile who seemed either docile or at least well-behaved in their presence (which is how Ren was for us the first couple of days).

It was very difficult for us to discern what was Ren's true personality and what was behaviour brought about by the massive adjustment he was facing. We were quite sure the hitting was temporary (it was) but we weren't so sure about some of the other behaviours and attributes, one of the most frustrating being defiance. For example, we knew he understood "no" but we were quite sure he didn't yet understand our explanations for why he couldn't do something. Perhaps because of not understanding our rationale, or simply to test us, Ren would smile defiantly and repeat the behaviour very deliberately, all the while maintaining eye contact with us. Okay, so at first we didn't think it was a defiant smile but it didn't take long before we interpreted it as being defiant / not innocent. Of course we tried to say "no" as little as possible but it simply wasn't always possible.

Anyway, I don't want to get into the ways we handled the not-so-great behaviour (we had to change course a couple of times to find the most effective method for him and us); the main thing is that most of it has stopped! I realized last week that Ren is no longer pushing buttons just to get a rise out of us. Yahoo! I'm not sure when it actually stopped but it's a huge relief.

Now, rather than trying to tick us off, I can see he's trying to please us. One example of how is that he'll point to things he's not supposed to touch, say "no touch" and look to us for approval. Or he'll cover his mouth when he coughs as I taught him and he'll make sure I see. Also, he's taken to watching out for naughty behaviour on the part of Claire; if she's making a mess or something, he'll say, "uh oh!", look at us worriedly and point to her. It's pretty funny when he does that. All of this has made a huge difference in parenting him.

At the same time, it seems that we've also turned a corner in terms of attachment. I think Ren has finally decided he likes me! It's also become evident that he knows he belongs with us now. When we're out in public, he'll often put both arms around my neck and lean in very close, prompting acquaintances to remark that he seems very attached to me.

I'm not sure exactly what prompted the switch but it could be due to the fact that Paul's dad Wally has spent a lot of time here the last three weeks. I had been managing on my own with the two kids but I have to say that I wasn't in great shape emotionally and mentally. Just day to day stuff was pretty challenging given my decreased mental state! Wally's visits were perfect timing, because I was just starting to come around and his help gave me the boost I needed. With him here to relieve some of the childcare stress, I really feel like I have gotten over worst of it and am better able to cope with the little yahoos and Ren's medical needs. When I look at it all from that perspective, no wonder Ren seems to have turned a corner.

I know we still have a ways to go before we truly know Ren but at this point in time, he appears to be an eager to please, teasing, happy, creative, and active little boy. He is quite thoughtful (he'll often help Claire with things) and has shown empathy to both me and Claire when we suffered boo-boos. He is very observant and really seems to notice similarities in items. For example, at Costco the other day, I bought him a nursery rhyme book. It is in the same style as one of Claire's lullaby books (board book with a velvet on the binding) but in a different colour. As soon as we got home, he raced to his room, got Claire's book and cuddled up on a chair with both books.

In terms of likes and dislikes, Ren loves:

- horses! He's shown an intense interest in them ever since his pony ride at the zoo. When we're reading, if we get to a page where there's a horse, it's game-over. He won't let me turn the page! He will stare at that horse for several minutes and let out a happy exclamation of "yeehaw!" from time to time.

- hockey

- soccer

-books

- our Little People farm and castle sets

- blocks

-his morning milk

- meat and potatoes (what a little man!)

- his sister

He doesn't like:

- fruit. He'll eat some things plain (apples, mangoes) but we have to mix other fruits in yogurt to get him to eat it.

- veggies. He'll only eat veggies if he thinks that's all we're going to have, so we always begin our meals with only veggies in sight.

- getting his hair washed.

Hmmmm ... I'm sure there are more dislikes but that's all I can think of right now.

Ren's language seems to be really taking off now. He now says several phrases and approximately 40 words (unprompted). We think he understands a lot of what we say in daily life now - maybe not everything but the regular stuff for sure. I have a feeling that it'll explode over summer. I look forward to that for many reasons, one of them being we'll get to know Ren even better.

The sibling relationship

As each weekend approaches, I begin to plan a photo shoot of the two kids. I've been meaning to do Claire's three-year portrait for more than a month and thought I'd get a few shots of the kids together. Unfortunately, every week, one or the other kiddo has suffered a boo boo so I've kept postponing the photo shoot. This week it was Ren with a goose-egg and bruise on his head. But since it was time for Claire's portrait, I decided to forge ahead and decided I'd do my best to photoshop Ren's bruise in the best shots.

I did get a few photos I really like of Claire but I didn't get what I call the "money shot" of the two kids together - the shot where both kids look amazing and they are interacting in a sweet or interesting way. What I did get, though, were a number of pictures that accurately depict emotions regularly felt in their daily interactions. At least it was a realistic photo shoot! Here goes ...

Jealousy:

Anger and despair ("He broke my flower!"):

Note in the two photos above how, while one child suffers, the other is oblivious. That too is realistic!

Possessiveness:
Ah, and some positive ones ... playfulness and chivalry:

And at last, happiness and harmony:

Snips and snails

I was going to call this post "Potpourri" because it's a bit of a miscellaneous type of post but then realized potpourri doesn't sound very manly or boyish. That's where the "snips and snails" comes in.

I haven't done an update on Ren lately so I thought it was time. The one thing that has become obvious about Ren is that he loves hockey. The first sign was when he and Claire received mini hockey sticks from my sister and her family. He immediately repeated the word hockey (although it comes out as "uppy") and kept saying it over and over with a gleeful look. He loves playing with that mini stick and likes watching the actual game on TV. He even gets crazy-excited when he sees hockey pictures in the newspaper. On the next rainy day where we have nothing exciting going on, our craft will be to create a scrap album of hockey pics for him.

Ren was a little shaky and not quite steady on his feet when we met him. In the short time we've known him, his abilities have grown and he has proven to be quite a climber. He does the small climbing wall at the playground with ease and can quite easily climb ladder-style equipment as well. He is very adventurous and brave, always wanting to try new things. As a result, he has suffered a couple of boo boos. The latest was yesterday when he went down the slide on his tummy (feet first thankfully) but bounced his head back on the slide once he landed. Within two minutes, he had a massive goose-egg on his forehead. (Yes, I was supervising but I was busy with the other toddler and didn't see him go down until it was too late.) This was my first experience with such a boo boo so I called our 24 hour health link number and had a good long chat with a nurse who soon assured me (based on my responses to her questions) that he should be just fine. Today, the goose-egg is already much smaller.

We saw the occupational therapist, Cara, for the second time this Tuesday. She thinks Ren is doing well all around in gross and fine motor skills. He is still delayed as expected but between his two appointments with Cara, he has made great strides in catching up. I found one exercise particularly amusing. Cara asked Ren to clean up the small blocks by placing them in a bag. Instead of grabbing one or two as she expected, he reached out his big paw and grabbed five - five! - blocks with one hand. In the next movement, he used both hands to cup even more blocks to place in the bag. Cara remarked how smart and efficient our boy is. I had to agree!

Language continues to come along. It seems to come in spurts. This week, Ren finally began answering in the affirmative with "yeah!". Ah, what a difference not to hear "Na!!!" all the time (something he would say even when it was clear he wanted the offered item). Yesterday on the swing, he said, "higher" for the first time. Clearly, this was something he learned from his high-flying sis.

Speaking of Claire, he has been fairly constant in his treatment / regard for her. He tends to be very sweet and gentlemanly with her, which can lead to very cute scenarios. Just yesterday, she was hanging out underneath the kitchen table when he saw that she was about to crawl out. Immediately, he stopped what he was doing and ran over to offer his hand to her in assistance. That soon turned into a game of "rescue" where they took turns going underneath the table and crying "help me!" until the other helped them out. The two also love to dance and play song and dance games together such as Ring Around the Rosie or Sleeping Bunnies.

As we suspected very early on, Ren is quite easygoing in a lot of ways: wearing sunglasses (no problem!), putting lotion on him, giving him medicine, etc. Even when we go for medical appointments, he's pretty easy to keep happy while we wait and if it happens to be a not-so-pleasant appointment (like getting blood drawn or something) he cries but doesn't thrash around and use his strength to fight back as I thought he might.

It's been very interesting to see the difference in the genders. I never knew how much stock to put in gender differences but I'm starting to now. Ren really does do all the typical "boy" stuff: climbing, taking things apart, getting into everything, ramming the walls with toy shopping carts or strollers, running cars or other toys along the walls (now I understand why some families are always re-painting!), not obeying when he's told no, etc. I'll admit, I do stress about some of this in the sense that hey, that's our nice stuff - why does he have to ruin it?! I'm sure part of my reaction is because I grew up in a family with 7 kids and I remember many of our belongings being wrecked in some way or having parts missing and I think I suffer flashbacks whenever Ren gets quasi-destructive. But I'm trying to breathe deeply and not sweat the small stuff.

Well, it's probably time I sign off so I'll end with a few pictures.

One day earlier this week, it was actually sunny enough for sunglasses:

Ren had his first pony ride on Mother's Day at the zoo. He loved it!

Marianne and Rod spent the morning at the zoo with us. Here we all are with cinnamon, the horse Claire and Ren both rode that day.

I love pictures of little kids holding hands! Oh, and check out Claire's new bob. We love it!

Paul's dad has spent the last two work weeks (basically Monday to Friday) with us to give me a break and to help Paul out with all the yard work and other things to do around the house. It's been amazing having him here! This picture was taken right before Wally took Claire to her toddler class this morning:

An ode to grandparents

This Mother's Day, I want to recognize a mother's best friend: grandparents! Despite living 500 km away, we've had tremendous support from our parents since we became parents ourselves and especially since we came home with little Renners. My mom and Paul's parents have unfailingly put their lives aside to visit us and our kiddoes. When they are here, they:

• offer much-needed breaks for Paul and me


• clean the house


• repair things around the house and yard


• complete renovations to upgrade our home


• take care of one child while I take the other for medical appointments


• allow Paul to spend more time at work to get things done without sending me to the nuthouse


• allow me to do things like testdrive minivans to accommodate our growing family (yes, we're taking the plunge with a new Honda Odyssey) and


• provide wonderful companionship to us.

And those are just the direct benefits to Paul and I as parents. The benefits they bestow on Claire and Ren are endless. When they are here, our parents lavish their undivided attention on the kids, partaking in whatever activity strikes the kids' fancies: playing at the park, having tea parties, playing shopping, doing Play-doh, going for wagon rides, etc. Each activity can go on for hours when an inventive and patient grandparent is involved. When our kids are with their grandparents, we regularly hear their exclamations of delight, hearty belly laughs (Claire) and squeals (Ren!). If all is silent, then that's good too! Then we know our kids are absorbed in concentration, focused on whatever task the grandparent has absorbed them in.

I would be remiss if I didn't also recognize our children's hands-on honourary grandparents, Rod and Marianne. These friends have become a sort of family away from home. The friendship and support they have offered is amazing. They have consistently been there for us when we need a shoulder to cry on, someone to look after Claire during Ren's more intense medical appointments, and just whenever we need a good laugh. Claire adores Marianne and Rod and I know that Ren, as he spends more time with them, will come to love them just as much as his big sister does. To Claire, her Marianne and her Kitchen Boy (aka Rod - it's a long story) are people she feels safe with, people she can be silly with, people she can talk to and people she can count on. If that's not a grandparent, I don't know what is. We feel very fortunate that our children will grow up with yet another set of grandparents who selflessly give of their time, love and attention.

Since our kids are so young, it's unlikely they'll remember actual events or moments spent right now with their grandparents. But I have no doubt that they will remember the pure joy or peace they feel with their grandparents and the unconditional love they receive. As they grow older, Claire and Ren will retain memories of their time with their grandparents and I am sure that time will be remembered as a golden part of their childhoods.

So on Mother's Day, I want to thank my mom Mary, Paul's parents Joanne and Wally and our good friends Rod and Marianne for making my life easier and our children's lives infinitely richer. We are blessed to have you in our lives!

Ren's got the moves

... or shall I say "move". Ren has one signature dance move: the left-arm flap. I think it appears around second 14 of the video. Normally it'd be his first move but he's trying to follow along with the TV dance moves first. I always smile when I see Ren doing his little dance. He looks super-cute!

I realized recently we haven't taken a family photo for awhile so we took some today. Even with just one extra person, it's a lot harder now to get a good shot of everybody! Oh, by the way, if you look closely, you'll see Kitsya's back behind Paul's shoulder. If I had noticed her there, we would have included her properly!

The business man

I took a few photos of Ren today in his little suit. I think Ren looks like a serious little business man in this photo, like the photo belongs on the announcements page in the business section of the newspaper.

More cuteness:

Two months with my forever family

Hi! This is Ren. I'm not very good at typing yet so my big sister Claire is helping me. She's the best! And beautiful! And sweet! And a great singer! (Hey Claire, what are you typing? I haven't said anything for a while ...)

Yesterday was a big day for me. It was two months since I left the orphanage and joined my forever family. I miss my jie-jies at the orphanage very much [editor's note from Claire: Ren called his caregivers "Jie-Jie"] and I also miss my friends Yao Yao and Yin Yin. I have lots of pictures of me with them so I look at their pictures a lot and laugh about all the good times we had.

Things here at this place have been pretty good. The lady with the curly hair is pretty nice, when she's not cranky, and the tall man is very funny. Jie-Jie is an absolute joy!!! She's so hilarious! She makes me laugh all the time and shares absolutely everything with me! (Hey Claire, what are you typing again? I haven't said a word since I mentioned the tall man!) Anyway, as I was saying, the people here are pretty nice. I think the tall man's name is Daddy but I'm not sure what the lady with the curly hair is called. Sometimes we play this strange game where she says "Mama" and pats her chest. I then say "Mama" and pat my chest. She then says, "No, I'm Mama", so I try to show her I understand by patting my chest again and saying, "No, I'm Mama". I don't know why she doesn't understand that I get it, I really get: I'm Mama!

There are lots of things to do around here. I have a lot of books that I love to read. I like the shape-sorter a lot - I'm very good with shapes! I love Play-doh and puzzles and playing "mail" with my big sister. We go outside whenever we can but it's kinda cold out there. The lady with the curly hair bundles me up and makes me wear funny things on my hands sometimes. I've never seen such awful things like those before! I like to take them off whenever I can but the crazy lady usually puts them right back on. We go to the park a lot. We always take the wagon there and back. At the park, I love to swing, climb the climbing wall, go down slides, play in sand and run up and down the hill while the crazy lady warbles some wierd tune about Jack and Jill. (I don't know what she's talking about because my name is Ren and my Jie-Jie's name is Claire.) We also play in our yard a lot where we have a little climbing thingy with a slide, a playhouse, trikes, cars and lots of balls. I love my soccer ball. I am very good at kicking and throwing.

When I first came here, I thought this house was very hazardous: there are cliffs everywhere! At first I didn't really notice them and would walk right off them. Luckily, someone was always there to catch me. After that, the big people started putting up these little fences so that I wouldn't step off the cliffs. Once I figured out what the little cliffs were all about, I started to go down them on my bum or on my knees backwards. Sometimes a big person would hold my hand while I tried to go down them on my feet but that was awkward in the beginning. I thought we should go down really fast, head-first but the big people would keep holding my arm back in a funny way. Anyway, with a lot of practice, I now brave these cliffs all by myself. A big person always hovers over me but I don't need any help at all.

One of my favourite things to do in the house is close doors. Whenever there is a door open, you can count on me to close it! It doesn't matter whether it's a big room door, a sliding door at the bottom of that cooking thing, the wagon door or a little fence blocking a cliff - no door's too big, no door's too small, I close them all! It's just one of those little things I do to make life better for people wherever I go.

Maybe someone has told you about how I like to mimic people? Well, I do! I really like to study people and see how they do things. For instance, at the dinner table, the curly-haired lady will often sit in a funny way with her hand under her chin. One day, she took this picture of me trying to strike the same pose:

I also like the create things. These little lifts (made with something called "yogurt containers") are my latest creation:

Oh my gosh, did I mention how strangely the people talk here?! I swear they do not know a single real word. They talk a lot of weird gibberish. In an effort to communicate with them, I have picked up quite a bit of their language. Favourite words and phrases of mine are:

• "Wa wa ga?" (Claire's translation: "where did __ go?");


• "There a is!" (Claire's translation: "There it is!")
  
• "hewwo" ("hello")
  
• "bye bye"


• "sa er" ("soccer")


• "uppy" (either "puppy" or "hockey", depending on the context)


• "mo pees" ("more please") and


• "no mo" ("no more"). Sadly, I hear this one a lot.

Well, I better sign off. But before I do, let me tell you a little more about my stunningly beautiful and kind big sister. She is glorious! Never have I met a more talented girl! All day, every day, she is kind and loving to me. She is (Hey Claire, what are you typing? I haven't said a thing since "I better sign off!").

Happy Birthday, Jie-Jie!

In the week leading up to Claire's birthday, we sang "Happy Birthday" a lot around here. Paul, in particular, sang it a lot with Ren. When the big day finally came, we could see and hear Ren singing along, and when we asked him to sing it all by himself, he obliged us with an earnest rendition of the happy song, looking up at us so seriously with those big brown eyes of his.

We didn't catch his singing on the actual day but here's a re-enactment from the other day. He's a little more goofy here, but you'll get the picture:

Saskatoon trip, part three: Ren meets more of his mommy's family

On the Saturday of the long weekend, we spent the afternoon and evening at my mom's house. Of the seven siblings, four of us were there with our families. Everyone was so excited to meet Ren that they all had their cameras flashing as we entered Mom's house. I felt like we were celebrities being chased by paparazzi!

Claire always has a blast at Mom's house - especially in the backyard with all the kids' toys. It was great to see Ren enjoy it all too.

We had a lot of fun indoors too with all the neat things my mom has. Ren especially loved the tiny baseball hats one of my older brothers collected years ago. He kept passing them out to his aunts, uncles and cousins and motioning for us to put them on our heads.

At dinner time, I was surprised to see Claire and Ren quickly claim the little table their slightly older cousins usually dine at. The older ones were probably happy to graduate to the adults' table and leave my kiddos to enjoy the baby table.

It was Claire's third birthday that day and we were already on our second party (the first one having taken place in the morning with Paul's side of the family). Here's Ren, Mia and Claire enjoying the cake, with Grandma looking on:

And finally, Grandma K. with all the grandkids who were home for Easter:

From left: Sonia, Mia, Claire, Grandma, Ren, Liam and Matthew. Only Nikki, Brandon and Thomas were missing.

Saskatoon trip, part two: Ren meets more of his daddy's family

Ren met his Baba and Dido a week after coming to Canada but didn't get a chance to meet his Uncle Dorian (Paul's brother), Auntie Sylvie and Great-Baba Pauline until this past weekend. Everyone was totally charmed by his beautiful smile and funny ways, and I could tell he adored everyone in return.

Here's Ren leading his willing Great-Baba around:

The entire group (without me - I'm the photographer):
And just the grandparents with the kids:

Saskatoon trip, part one: Ren's first Easter

We travelled to Saskatoon this past weekend to celebrate Easter, as well as Claire's third birthday, with family.

Ren wasn't sure what this Easter business was all about. It was cute to see him take things in and then finally decide that yep, Easter is all right! He especially liked the Ukrainian food: nachynka (spelling?!), cabbage rolls, and perogies.

The Easter Bunny made several visits: to hide eggs on Friday night, to drop off baskets on Saturday night while the kids were sleeping and again on Easter day for a basket hunt. (The Easter Bunny had a little help from Paul's parents on the latter event.) With all those opportunities for a bunny sighting, it's amazing that the kids didn't get a glimpse.

Ren was a great sport about wearing these crazy bunny ears during the Easter egg hunt!

Checking out their loot:

On Easter morning, Claire immediately opened up her basket and began pouring through the contents. Ren was more hesitant!

But he liked what he found. Here, he's having fun with a barrel of bunnies:

The first of several notes for the basket hunt on Easter morning:

After a series of notes (Claire's on pink paper, Ren's on green), the kids finally found their baskets full of toys, stickers, stamps and other goodies.

A big thanks to Paul's parents for hosting us at Easter and helping to make it a wonderful occasion for Ren and Claire!

Spring has sprung!

The puddles have been great the last couple of days so I made sure to have the camera with me on one trip outside:

In the following picture, you can sort of see how Ren pumps his left arm as he walks or runs. What you don't see is that his right arm stays still!Just when I was putting the camera back inside, I saw one last photo op. How cute are those faces looking up at me?!

March wrap-up

Hooray - it's April! Big sister Claire is thrilled because her birthday is now less than one week away. It's hard to believe our first baby will be three and that our newest addition isn't that far behind.

I'm short on time (as usual) so I'll just post photos for now.

Ren (with Claire close on his heels) enjoying our little climbing structure in the backyard.

Dr. Ren W. performing a house call during a tea party with big sis:

With the weather being warmer these days, we have been spending a lot of time outdoors. One favourite haunt is the zoo. Claire has always loved the painted train there and now Ren does too! Check out Claire's pose in the first photo below and notice how closely Ren is observing ...

Monkey see, monkey do!

Beautiful boy.

Settling in

It's hard to believe we've been home for almost four weeks already. But I guess the first couple of weeks were kind of unreal with jetlag and weird sleep patterns, and then my mom was here for the couple of weeks after that. This week is the first on my own and it's going well so far. (But it's only Tuesday so who knows what's to come!)

Ren's understanding of English is really coming along, we think. We're sure he understands our basic /regular words, phrases and instructions and I wouldn't be surprised if he understands more than that as well. It's still difficult at times but definitely better than at first when we really couldn't communicate much at all. We were told that he only spoke a couple of words in Cantonese but I have doubts about that. He is already saying several words and phrases in English: hi, hello, bye-bye, goodnight, more, please, thanks, Mama, Daddy, Jie-Jie, Kitsya,kitty, puppy (sounds like uppy), Grandma, Baba and Dido. Granted, we wouldn't understand what he's saying without the context because the words are not coming out very clear, but the words are there. He is also attempting some short sentences: "Hi Kitsya", "more please", "Where is Jie-Jie?" "all done", "here you go". I suspect that he had more Cantonese words than we were told but that it wasn't really known by the orphanage, perhaps because he had several caregivers (either they didn't compare notes or they weren't able to see the context to discern the sounds he was making).

Meal preparation time has really evolved around here. When we first came home, Ren was incredibly impatient for food the moment he saw it. We soon realized that he probably never saw food being prepared. In the orphanage, food preparation would have happened behind the scenes; when food was visible, it meant it was time to eat. Not so here! Thankfully it seems that Ren has gotten somewhat used to food having to be prepared before it is time to eat. I don't know what I would have done without my mom here for the last little while because it really did take someone to keep him occupied while the other made breakfast, lunch and dinner. He is still impatient to some degree but much less so!

It seems like this post is turning into a series of theories related to Ren's life in the orphanage so I might as well offer a couple more:

• At meal time, the perception of fairness is huge. If someone helps themselves to more of a certain dish, Ren immediately squawks for some too, even if he already has some on his plate. If Claire wants more of something, we have to remember to give him a tiny bit more too, even if he already has some. I wonder if this too relates to his time in the orphanage.
• We continue to marvel at Ren's ability to play independently. The other night, we were watching a bit of kids' TV. He soon lost interest and spread out a blanket for himself on the floor. He then proceeded to play with some Duplo train stuff for a good 10 - 15 minutes! Again, it's likely an attribute of having been in an orphanage but I'm happy for it sometimes. He really seems to have amazing focus.

Here are some random photos of the kiddies around our house the last couple of weeks.

Ren meets his Grandma

We were incredibly lucky to have my mom here for just over a week and a half. She left for home yesterday. Not only was she great fun for the kidlets but she was a lifesaver for me in that she kept me company and helped me out big-time when Paul went back to work. I don't think my house will ever be so clean again!

Mom and Ren sitting on the quilt she made for him:

When Mom first visited us after we brought Claire home from China, she brought with her the Christmas stocking she had stitched for our girl. We chose the same pattern for Ren and once again, my mom came bearing that special gift for her grandchild:

We are very lucky to have the wonderful family we do. Thank you to both sets of grandparents for visiting us and helping us out!