Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The time has come ...
Thank you to everyone for following our journey to Ren and for supporting us as we adjusted to life as a family of four. All the best,
Monica, Paul, Claire and Ren
Monday, May 25, 2009
Ren's true self
Until the last month or so, we regularly faced challenging behaviour that was reserved solely for us; other people only saw a happy little boy with a beautiful smile who seemed either docile or at least well-behaved in their presence (which is how Ren was for us the first couple of days).
It was very difficult for us to discern what was Ren's true personality and what was behaviour brought about by the massive adjustment he was facing. We were quite sure the hitting was temporary (it was) but we weren't so sure about some of the other behaviours and attributes, one of the most frustrating being defiance. For example, we knew he understood "no" but we were quite sure he didn't yet understand our explanations for why he couldn't do something. Perhaps because of not understanding our rationale, or simply to test us, Ren would smile defiantly and repeat the behaviour very deliberately, all the while maintaining eye contact with us. Okay, so at first we didn't think it was a defiant smile but it didn't take long before we interpreted it as being defiant / not innocent. Of course we tried to say "no" as little as possible but it simply wasn't always possible.
Anyway, I don't want to get into the ways we handled the not-so-great behaviour (we had to change course a couple of times to find the most effective method for him and us); the main thing is that most of it has stopped! I realized last week that Ren is no longer pushing buttons just to get a rise out of us. Yahoo! I'm not sure when it actually stopped but it's a huge relief.
In terms of likes and dislikes, Ren loves:
Monday, May 18, 2009
The sibling relationship
I did get a few photos I really like of Claire but I didn't get what I call the "money shot" of the two kids together - the shot where both kids look amazing and they are interacting in a sweet or interesting way. What I did get, though, were a number of pictures that accurately depict emotions regularly felt in their daily interactions. At least it was a realistic photo shoot! Here goes ...
Jealousy:
Anger and despair ("He broke my flower!"):
Note in the two photos above how, while one child suffers, the other is oblivious. That too is realistic!
Possessiveness:
Ah, and some positive ones ... playfulness and chivalry:
And at last, happiness and harmony:
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Snips and snails
I haven't done an update on Ren lately so I thought it was time. The one thing that has become obvious about Ren is that he loves hockey. The first sign was when he and Claire received mini hockey sticks from my sister and her family. He immediately repeated the word hockey (although it comes out as "uppy") and kept saying it over and over with a gleeful look. He loves playing with that mini stick and likes watching the actual game on TV. He even gets crazy-excited when he sees hockey pictures in the newspaper. On the next rainy day where we have nothing exciting going on, our craft will be to create a scrap album of hockey pics for him.
As we suspected very early on, Ren is quite easygoing in a lot of ways: wearing sunglasses (no problem!), putting lotion on him, giving him medicine, etc. Even when we go for medical appointments, he's pretty easy to keep happy while we wait and if it happens to be a not-so-pleasant appointment (like getting blood drawn or something) he cries but doesn't thrash around and use his strength to fight back as I thought he might.
It's been very interesting to see the difference in the genders. I never knew how much stock to put in gender differences but I'm starting to now. Ren really does do all the typical "boy" stuff: climbing, taking things apart, getting into everything, ramming the walls with toy shopping carts or strollers, running cars or other toys along the walls (now I understand why some families are always re-painting!), not obeying when he's told no, etc. I'll admit, I do stress about some of this in the sense that hey, that's our nice stuff - why does he have to ruin it?! I'm sure part of my reaction is because I grew up in a family with 7 kids and I remember many of our belongings being wrecked in some way or having parts missing and I think I suffer flashbacks whenever Ren gets quasi-destructive. But I'm trying to breathe deeply and not sweat the small stuff.
Well, it's probably time I sign off so I'll end with a few pictures.
One day earlier this week, it was actually sunny enough for sunglasses:
Ren had his first pony ride on Mother's Day at the zoo. He loved it!
Marianne and Rod spent the morning at the zoo with us. Here we all are with cinnamon, the horse Claire and Ren both rode that day.
I love pictures of little kids holding hands! Oh, and check out Claire's new bob. We love it!
Paul's dad has spent the last two work weeks (basically Monday to Friday) with us to give me a break and to help Paul out with all the yard work and other things to do around the house. It's been amazing having him here! This picture was taken right before Wally took Claire to her toddler class this morning:
Sunday, May 10, 2009
An ode to grandparents
- offer much-needed breaks for Paul and me
- clean the house
- repair things around the house and yard
- complete renovations to upgrade our home
- take care of one child while I take the other for medical appointments
- allow Paul to spend more time at work to get things done without sending me to the nuthouse
- allow me to do things like testdrive minivans to accommodate our growing family (yes, we're taking the plunge with a new Honda Odyssey) and
- provide wonderful companionship to us.
And those are just the direct benefits to Paul and I as parents. The benefits they bestow on Claire and Ren are endless. When they are here, our parents lavish their undivided attention on the kids, partaking in whatever activity strikes the kids' fancies: playing at the park, having tea parties, playing shopping, doing Play-doh, going for wagon rides, etc. Each activity can go on for hours when an inventive and patient grandparent is involved. When our kids are with their grandparents, we regularly hear their exclamations of delight, hearty belly laughs (Claire) and squeals (Ren!). If all is silent, then that's good too! Then we know our kids are absorbed in concentration, focused on whatever task the grandparent has absorbed them in.
I would be remiss if I didn't also recognize our children's hands-on honourary grandparents, Rod and Marianne. These friends have become a sort of family away from home. The friendship and support they have offered is amazing. They have consistently been there for us when we need a shoulder to cry on, someone to look after Claire during Ren's more intense medical appointments, and just whenever we need a good laugh. Claire adores Marianne and Rod and I know that Ren, as he spends more time with them, will come to love them just as much as his big sister does. To Claire, her Marianne and her Kitchen Boy (aka Rod - it's a long story) are people she feels safe with, people she can be silly with, people she can talk to and people she can count on. If that's not a grandparent, I don't know what is. We feel very fortunate that our children will grow up with yet another set of grandparents who selflessly give of their time, love and attention.Since our kids are so young, it's unlikely they'll remember actual events or moments spent right now with their grandparents. But I have no doubt that they will remember the pure joy or peace they feel with their grandparents and the unconditional love they receive. As they grow older, Claire and Ren will retain memories of their time with their grandparents and I am sure that time will be remembered as a golden part of their childhoods.
So on Mother's Day, I want to thank my mom Mary, Paul's parents Joanne and Wally and our good friends Rod and Marianne for making my life easier and our children's lives infinitely richer. We are blessed to have you in our lives!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Ren's got the moves
I realized recently we haven't taken a family photo for awhile so we took some today. Even with just one extra person, it's a lot harder now to get a good shot of everybody! Oh, by the way, if you look closely, you'll see Kitsya's back behind Paul's shoulder. If I had noticed her there, we would have included her properly!