Ren's true self

After three months as a family, I believe we are starting to see Ren's true self!

Until the last month or so, we regularly faced challenging behaviour that was reserved solely for us; other people only saw a happy little boy with a beautiful smile who seemed either docile or at least well-behaved in their presence (which is how Ren was for us the first couple of days).

It was very difficult for us to discern what was Ren's true personality and what was behaviour brought about by the massive adjustment he was facing. We were quite sure the hitting was temporary (it was) but we weren't so sure about some of the other behaviours and attributes, one of the most frustrating being defiance. For example, we knew he understood "no" but we were quite sure he didn't yet understand our explanations for why he couldn't do something. Perhaps because of not understanding our rationale, or simply to test us, Ren would smile defiantly and repeat the behaviour very deliberately, all the while maintaining eye contact with us. Okay, so at first we didn't think it was a defiant smile but it didn't take long before we interpreted it as being defiant / not innocent. Of course we tried to say "no" as little as possible but it simply wasn't always possible.

Anyway, I don't want to get into the ways we handled the not-so-great behaviour (we had to change course a couple of times to find the most effective method for him and us); the main thing is that most of it has stopped! I realized last week that Ren is no longer pushing buttons just to get a rise out of us. Yahoo! I'm not sure when it actually stopped but it's a huge relief.

Now, rather than trying to tick us off, I can see he's trying to please us. One example of how is that he'll point to things he's not supposed to touch, say "no touch" and look to us for approval. Or he'll cover his mouth when he coughs as I taught him and he'll make sure I see. Also, he's taken to watching out for naughty behaviour on the part of Claire; if she's making a mess or something, he'll say, "uh oh!", look at us worriedly and point to her. It's pretty funny when he does that. All of this has made a huge difference in parenting him.

At the same time, it seems that we've also turned a corner in terms of attachment. I think Ren has finally decided he likes me! It's also become evident that he knows he belongs with us now. When we're out in public, he'll often put both arms around my neck and lean in very close, prompting acquaintances to remark that he seems very attached to me.

I'm not sure exactly what prompted the switch but it could be due to the fact that Paul's dad Wally has spent a lot of time here the last three weeks. I had been managing on my own with the two kids but I have to say that I wasn't in great shape emotionally and mentally. Just day to day stuff was pretty challenging given my decreased mental state! Wally's visits were perfect timing, because I was just starting to come around and his help gave me the boost I needed. With him here to relieve some of the childcare stress, I really feel like I have gotten over worst of it and am better able to cope with the little yahoos and Ren's medical needs. When I look at it all from that perspective, no wonder Ren seems to have turned a corner.

I know we still have a ways to go before we truly know Ren but at this point in time, he appears to be an eager to please, teasing, happy, creative, and active little boy. He is quite thoughtful (he'll often help Claire with things) and has shown empathy to both me and Claire when we suffered boo-boos. He is very observant and really seems to notice similarities in items. For example, at Costco the other day, I bought him a nursery rhyme book. It is in the same style as one of Claire's lullaby books (board book with a velvet on the binding) but in a different colour. As soon as we got home, he raced to his room, got Claire's book and cuddled up on a chair with both books.

In terms of likes and dislikes, Ren loves:

- horses! He's shown an intense interest in them ever since his pony ride at the zoo. When we're reading, if we get to a page where there's a horse, it's game-over. He won't let me turn the page! He will stare at that horse for several minutes and let out a happy exclamation of "yeehaw!" from time to time.

- hockey

- soccer

-books

- our Little People farm and castle sets

- blocks

-his morning milk

- meat and potatoes (what a little man!)

- his sister

He doesn't like:

- fruit. He'll eat some things plain (apples, mangoes) but we have to mix other fruits in yogurt to get him to eat it.

- veggies. He'll only eat veggies if he thinks that's all we're going to have, so we always begin our meals with only veggies in sight.

- getting his hair washed.

Hmmmm ... I'm sure there are more dislikes but that's all I can think of right now.

Ren's language seems to be really taking off now. He now says several phrases and approximately 40 words (unprompted). We think he understands a lot of what we say in daily life now - maybe not everything but the regular stuff for sure. I have a feeling that it'll explode over summer. I look forward to that for many reasons, one of them being we'll get to know Ren even better.